I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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