1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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