One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
