He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
