Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
