the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
