you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
