Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
