i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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