She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it because I queefed?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
