My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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