Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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