so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
