make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
