Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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