so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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