sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You may now shotgun with the bride
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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