Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
