1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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