Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
