White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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