You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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