idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
