is your mom at the bar?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
