We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
