i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
