Banned from zoo.
Again?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
