the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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