I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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