DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
