so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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