Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
