Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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