I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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