So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
