He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
