i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
