if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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