the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
