omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
