I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
