I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
