I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
