If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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