Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
