If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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