omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
