Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
