We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
