Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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