Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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