I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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