the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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