Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
