I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
