At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think people are normalizing furries
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
