I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
