Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
