I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
