They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
