he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
