I hate all girls vehemently.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
