i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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