Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
