if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
