i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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