sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize